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At times, Jay Spring is convinced he is “unmatched in his abilities”. Living with narcissistic personality disorder, his grandiose moments frequently escalate into “really delusional”, he explains. “You are on cloud nine and you’re like, ‘Everyone’s going to know that I surpass everyone else … I’m destined for greatness for the world’.”

For Spring, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are typically followed by a “crash”, where he feels sensitive and ashamed about his actions, making him particularly vulnerable to criticism from external sources. He first suspected he might have this personality condition after looking up his traits on the internet – and eventually evaluated by a clinician. But, he is skeptical he would have accepted the diagnosis if he hadn’t already reached that realization by himself. When someone suggests to somebody that they have the condition, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he notes – especially if they feel beliefs of dominance. They inhabit a fantasy reality that they’ve built up. And within that framework, I am superior and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Although people have been labelled as narcissists for over 100 years, the meaning can be ambiguous what is meant by the label. It’s common to label everybody a narcissist,” says a leading researcher, who believes the word is “overused” – but when it comes to a formal diagnosis, he notes many people hide it, due to widespread prejudice around the illness. Someone with NPD will tend to have “an inflated view of oneself”, “difficulty understanding others’ feelings”, and “a strategy of using people to seek admiration through things like seeking admiration,” the expert clarifies. Those with NPD may be “deeply egotistical”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he states.

I never truly valued about anyone really, so relationships weren’t a priority relationships seriously

Variations by Gender in Narcissism

While a significant majority of people diagnosed with the condition are males, research suggests this figure does not mean there are fewer narcissistic women, but that women with NPD is typically appears in the covert form, which is less commonly diagnosed. Narcissistic traits in men tends to be more socially permissible, just kind of like everything in society,” explains an individual who shares content on her NPD and borderline personality disorder (BPD) on online channels. Frequently, the two disorders are comorbid.

Individual Challenges

“I really struggle with handling criticism and rejection,” she shares, “because if I hear that I am at fault, I often enter defence mode or I completely shut down.” Even with this behavior – which is often called “self-esteem damage”, she has been attempting to address it and accept input from her close relationships, as she aims to avoid falling into the damaging patterns of her earlier years. I used to be manipulative to my partners during adolescence,” she admits. Via therapeutic interventions, she has been able to reduce her narcissistic traits, and she says she and her partner “maintain an agreement where I’ve instructed him, ‘Should I make a harmful comment, when I use toxic language, address it {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her upbringing primarily in the care of her father and notes she didn’t have positive role models as a child. It’s been a process of understanding over the years the difference between suitable or harmful to say in conflicts because I never had that in my formative years,” she says. Every insult was fair game when my relatives were insulting me in my early years.”

Underlying Factors of The Condition

Conditions like NPD tend to be linked to early life adversity. Genetics play a role,” says an expert in personality disorders. But, when someone exhibits NPD characteristics, it is often “connected with that individual’s particular early environment”. Those traits were “a coping mechanism in some ways to manage during childhood”, he states, when they may have been ignored, or only shown love that was based on meeting certain expectations. They then “persist in applying those same mechanisms as adults”.

Similar to other of the NPD-diagnosed people, one individual thinks his parents “may be narcissists themselves”. The adult shares when he was a child, “the focus was always on them and their work and their social life. So it was like, stay out of our way.” When their focus was on him, it came in the form of “a great amount of pressure” to achieve high marks and life achievements, he recalls, which made him feel that if he didn’t fulfill their expectations, he wasn’t “worthy.

In adulthood, none of his relationships were successful. “I’ve never cared about anyone really,” he says. “So I’ve never taken relationships seriously.” He believed he wasn’t forming deep connections, until he met his current partner of three years, who is diagnosed with BPD, so, like him, has difficulty with feelings. She is “very supportive of the internal struggles in my head”, he says – it was actually she who originally considered he might have NPD.

Pursuing Treatment

Subsequent to a consultation to his general practitioner, John was referred to a clinical psychologist for an diagnosis and was given the NPD label. He has been referred for therapeutic sessions via government-funded care (a long period of therapy is the only treatment that has been shown to help NPD patients, clinicians explain), but has been on the waiting list for a year and a half: It was indicated it is expected around in a few months.”

He has shared with a handful of people about his condition, because “negative perceptions are widespread that all narcissists are abusers”, but, personally, he has come to terms with it. This understanding allows me to comprehend my actions, which is always a good thing,” he says. Those interviewed have accepted their narcissism and are seeking help for it – which is why they agree to talk about it – which is probably not representative of all people with the condition. But the growth of NPD content creators and the expansion of digital groups indicate that {more narcissists|a growing number